I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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