I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize