Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
