Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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