Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
