we have officially lost it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize