That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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