you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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