How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
