normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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