We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
