You really coming over, don't trick.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
