I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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