DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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