Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
