at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize