walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
