Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
