walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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