Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
