I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
