did you get engaged???
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
please come you make the beer taste better
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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