just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize