So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my shit smells like andre
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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