I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize