Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
