I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
