if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We need to get me chipped asap
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
