we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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