Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
home. puking in laundry basket.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
