You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize