Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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