I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
