I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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