If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
