Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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