Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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