Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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