I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
