Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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