New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
zippers are such a cool invention
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
