The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
