Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize