Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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