her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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