Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
