Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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