The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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