I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
