In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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