his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
