K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
