I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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