it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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