How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We left the knife in your bed.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
