are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
