I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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