fuck your aforementioned shoe
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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