Small penises have feelings too.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
