Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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