After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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