I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
where are my eyebrows?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
