okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
