There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
