Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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