guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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