Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
