literally had 100 drinks last night.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
