You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
