fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
