i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
