she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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