He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
