I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
