i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
