And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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