Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
porn star boner night. come get it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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