his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
